Special needs parenting is humbling, and rewarding beyond words, but it’s not always good.
My mum often reminds me that we have to take the rough with the smooth, and she’s right of course. One can’t exist without the other, so while we have tremendous highs in this special life we also have devastating lows. It’s knowing your child will always be in a battle against her body, a battle I can’t fight for her. It is having a house full of medical equipment that you need daily. It is having to invite countless people into your home to help your child when you’d just love to cuddle up in your pajamas and have a lazy day. It’s having to deal with strangers staring. It’s the the utter exhaustion that follows stress, depression, and sleep deprivation.
It’s the journeys to physical therapy wondering if today will be a good day. It’s the discouraging evaluations. It’s doctors appointments that fill up my calendar. It’s trying to squeeze some normality into all of this. These dark things can add up, and they feel sometimes like they are smothering you while you’re working so hard at being the very best parent to your child. They can make you question your own worth, and sometimes make you feel like you are failing. Not every day in my house feels inspirational. Some days are so dark that it takes everything I have to get out of bed. I cherish every waking moment with Aubree, she is my best friend. Her disability has taught me so much. But with all beauty there is pain. Behind every victory there was a struggle.
‘I must also have a dark side if I am to be whole.’ – Carl Jung.